


Bet You Love Me

by spectralLabradorite (Dwinarnith), tortoiseshellKelpie



Series: TrollSona [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Kissing, Online Dating, Original Character(s), POV Karkat, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Stalking, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-05 00:39:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dwinarnith/pseuds/spectralLabradorite, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tortoiseshellKelpie/pseuds/tortoiseshellKelpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat just lost his last quadrant and everyone makes fun of him. Sollux bets his apiculture husktop that Karkat can't fill one. Karkat takes his bet and joins an online dating site called DateMyGrub.com in which he meets his true matesprit, little did he know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bet You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing was a practice to help tortoiseshellKelpie get used to writing her trollsona, Kaylee. (Arniss/ hippy ghost girl is my trollsona)
> 
> No Karkats were actually harmed in the making of this fic. 
> 
> None of this was meant to offend anyone. It's all for fun so no angry comments please. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!^^ 
> 
> (btw: Lots of well written fluff and be warned this was written all at once between the hours of 11pm-7am. We didn't go to bed so it is a little cheesy and stupid.)

“I can’t believe I’m doing this... fucking nepeta and her shipping shit. I’ll show her. Make fun of my quadrants. What the fuck does Eridan know about my love life anyways? and Sollux.... those assholes. I’ll show them. I can get a date.”

 

Karkat logs into datemygrub and has no replies.

 

“...fucking damnit.” he frowns. “ugh looks like I’ll have to use general chat again. fucking great. I feel like a whore.”

 

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined generalChat-

 

CG: UM HELLO AND STUFF

CG: FUCK

CG: WAY TO START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT DIPASS

TK: GReetings!!! WElcome to the general chat!

TK: AS much as i would like to say we're having some incredibly intelligent enlightening conversations, we are actually having a full on debate about ducks. ANd it’s stupid.

HY: no this is not! ducks are demonic.

TK: DOn’t be ignorant. DUcks are fantastic!

CG: …

CG: I FUCKING HATE DUCKS

HY: thank you!

CG: I’M NOT AGREEING WITH YOU

CG: DEMONIC DUCKS IS AN IDIOTIC NOTION THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSOEVER 

CG: DON’T BE STUPID I JUST DON’T LIKE DUCKS

HY: :P

TK: I Can respect that.

TK: BUt never once have i encountered a quackbeast i would qualify as demonic...

TK: ANgry sure, but not demonic.

EG: i have a PET duck named CAPTAIN pants =3

HY: O_O’

HY: that sounds evil! like doctor captain pants!!!! :O

CG: NO WONDER YOU’RE ALL STILL SINGLE

CG: THIS SERVER IS FILLED WITH BULDGLICKERS

CG: YOU ALL CHAFE MY NOOK

TK: CLearly you were desperate enough to try.

CG: FUCK YOU

TK: YOu could try that too.. ;)

CG: UM WOW WHAT THE FUCK?

CG:....

TP: I would LoVe to Be FUCKEED!!! :D

HY: get in line hoe

TK: YOu know what... IM sorry i even suggested that.

TK: YOu people all definitely have a screw loose.

CG: {pm to tortoiseshellKelpie} HEY UM WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS

CG: {pm to tortoiseshellKelpie} WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEAVE THE LAND OF THE DERP LORDS WITH ME AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING NON QUACKBEAST RELATED?

TK: {pm to carcinoGeneticist} THat sounds absolutely fantastic! I Seriously don’t know what the hell is going on in there.

 

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] has left generalChat-

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] has begun courting tortoiseshellKelpie [TK]-

 

CG: SO

CG: HI

TK: HEllo. WEll i suppose proper introductions are in order.

TK: KAylee.

CG: DON’T LAUGH

CG: KARKAT

TK: WHy would i laugh. I Definitely know people with stranger names than that.

CG: WELL KAYLEE

CG: YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR WAY TO GARNER TRUST THERE

TK: SEriously! I’Ve pm’ed HY before.

TK: HEr name is Trolll... NO joke.TOtally legit.

CG: CLEARLY I HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

CG: MY APOLOGIES

TK: APologies accepted.

CG: SO NOW THAT PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY

CG: I HATE ASKING THIS MOSTLY BECAUSE IT’S A STUPID QUESTION BUT I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY

CG: ARE YOU A GIRL?

CG: YOU REALLY CAN’T TELL BY NAMES PLUS YOU COULD STILL BE A LIAR BECAUSE I’M AN EXCELLENT JUDGE OF CHARACTER

TK: WEll Karkat, if you are such a good judge of character... YOu tell me.

CG: WHY CERTAINLY

CG: IN FACT I’M SADDENED BY THE FACT THAT YOU ARRIVED AT THAT IDEA BEFORE I DID

CG: CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS

CG: YOU ARE MOST LIKELY A HABITUAL LIAR WITH SO MUCH EXPERIENCE THAT YOU HAVE EVEN MASTERED THE FINE ART OF LYING TO YOURSELF 

CG: AGAIN CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER

TK: NEither of us have answered the question at hand.

TK: BUt yes i am infact a girl. ANd you are infact a bit of an asshole.

CG: ACTUALLY NO

CG: THANK YOU PLEASE PLAY AGAIN BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOST

CG: YOU DIDN’T LET ME FINISH MY THOUGHT AND YOU CLEARLY AREN’T INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO FOLLOW BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO ARRIVE AT THE CORRECT ANSWER WHICH WOULD BE THAT DUE TO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS LYING YOU ARE IN NO FIT POSITION TO JUDGE YOUR OWN GENDER AND THEREFORE CANNOT TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW

CG: AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHALLENGE MY THEORY I OFFER YOU THIS

CG: YOU ARE SINGLE

TK: HOw does the fact that i’m single make me not a girl?

TK: I Would like to state that a good majority of the desperate frothing trolls out in GC are in fact of the female orientation. NOt really all that shockingly actually.

CG: AGAIN YOU HAVE FAILED TO REALIZE MY BRILLIANCE BUT BEING A GENDER CONFUSED ASSHAT THIS COMES AS NO SURPRISE TO ME

CG: BY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE I MEAN TO OFFER THAT AS A CONSEQUENCE OF YOUR BLARINGLY OBVIOUS CHARACTER FLAW IN WHICH YOU USE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF LYING THROUGH YOUR FUCKING TEETH

CG: THE END

TK: I Retract my former statement.

TK: YOu are in fact a big asshole.

TK: NOt just a bit of one, a whole big one!

TK: I Would almost rather be discussing the possible evil nature of ducks, rather than being called a liar.

CG: THAT’S ALSO A LIE

TK: WHat is? THat i am in fact considering returning to the fuckfest that is generalChat?

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING PAN DEAD? OF COURSE THAT ISN’T WHAT I WAS REFERRING  TO BECAUSE THAT WAS NEVER SAID TO BEGIN WITH. ALL YOU SAID IS THAT YOU WOULD RATHER BE DISCUSSING DUCKS WHICH I AM ACTUALLY INCLINED TO BELIEVE BUT NO

CG: I WAS REFERRING TO THE CLAIM THAT YOU WOULD RATHER NOT BE CALLED A LIAR BY ME AN ALLEGED BIG WHOLE ASSHOLE

CG: YOU FUCKING LOVE ANYTHING I GRACE YOU WITH

CG: YOU’RE JUST AGAIN LYING TO YOURSELF

TK: I Didn’t think that this particular conversation would shift to a darker hue. I Was genuinely glad to have an actually excuse to leave that hell hole. BUt here we go.

TK: WHo do you think you are? WHat gives you the fucking authority to come in here and make horrible claims about my character? I Am offended. EXtremely.

TK: RIght again actually. KArkat is a stupid name.

TK: HAhahaha... LOok at me laugh at how ridiculous it is.

TK: I Bet that you are probably some depraved shit who has nothing better to do than come on here and try to impress some mindless drone into having a black fling with you. ANd i’ll have you know i am not going to play your twisted mind games.

TK: FUck it. I’M going back the duck fuckers.

 

-tortoiseshellKelpie [TK] has ceased courting carcinoGeneticist [CG]-

 

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined generalChat-

 

CG: {pm to tortoiseshellKelpie} OKAY WAIT I’M SORRY

CG: {pm to tortoiseshellKelpie} MAYBE I WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR. OKAY I DID BUT IT’S NOT LIKE THAT. REALLY IT’S NOT. I’M DEFINITELY NOT FISHING FOR A BLACK ROM HERE. ACTUALLY I KIND OF AM BUT... FUCK I CAN’T SAY ANYTHING RIGHT

CG: {pm to tortoiseshellKelpie} HELLO?

TK: {pm to carcinoGeneticist} WHat’s your game then? WHy try to initiate something like that?

TK: {pm to carcinoGeneticist} I’M really not a black rom kinda person. IF you had taken more than two seconds to know me you would have learned that.

CG: {pm to tortoiseshellKelpie} YOU’RE RIGHT I’M AN IDIOT. I DON’T REALLY DO BLACK ROM EITHER OR ANYTHING AT ALL APPARENTLY

CG: {pm to tortoiseshellKelpie} SEE I HAVE NO FILLED QUADRANTS ANYMORE SINCE MY MOIRAIL BROKE UP WITH ME AND MY FRIENDS ARE UNSUPPORTIVE BULGES  AND ONE OF THEM, SOLLUX CAPTOR, WHO IS THE SUPREME UNCHALLENGED LORD OF ASSWIPES BET HIS APICULTURE HUSKTOP THAT I COULDN’T FILL ONE AND SO HERE LAYS THE NOW DEAD BIG WHOLE ASSHOLE BEFORE YOU WOE TO HIS LIFE AND LONG MAY HIS MEMORY LIVE IN THE HEARTS OF NO ONE BECAUSE EVERYONE PRETTY MUCH FUCKING HATED HIM

 

-tortoiseshellKelpie [TK] began courting carcinoGeneticist [CG]-

 

TK: SHit. WEll now i feel like the asshole.

TK: LOok i didn’t mean... I Don’t hate you. I Think that we just got off on the wrong nub here.

TK: WE should start over. PLus i’m a bit of a sucker when it comes to winning bets.

CG: THANKS

CG: I REALLY AM SORRY I’M JUST PISSED ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION BEING.... HAVING BLANK QUADRANTS. I REALLY MISS MY MOIRAIL. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

TK: UNderstandable. I Don’t know what i’d do without my moirail.

TK TOtally not trying to rub it in or anything.

CG: NO IT’S FINE

CG: WHAT’S YOUR MOIRAIL LIKE? I MEAN, WHO IS YOUR MOIRAIL, I GUESS... I’M ALREADY FORGETTING WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

TK: ARniss.. SHe’s definitely a piece of work. IN a good way.

TK: SHe seems to have an insatiable craving for learning about death. NOt suicidal, she thinks it’s an adventure.

TK: EVerything is an adventure actually.

TK: NO stone left unturned.

TK: ANd she is completely infatuated with her matesprit. IT is the pitiest of parties.

CG: DOESN’T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE MY EX-MOIRAIL BUT HE’S A REAL PIECE OF WORK TOO.

CG: YOUR MATESPRIT KIND OF REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE I KNEW. KNOW? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ANYMORE. SHE KEEPS DYING AND COMING BACK. SHE MIGHT EVEN BE HALF DEAD NOW. WHO FUCKING KNOWS

TK: INteresting. I Would assume maybe ghostly interest has something to do with blood caste. IS she more of a burgundy caste?

CG: NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TELL YOU I DON’T BELIEVE IN BLOOD CASTES BUT YEAH SHE IS

TK: SOrry for the trigger. I Had an inkling.

CG: PLEASE DON’T SAY TRIGGER AND THAT IS NOT A TRIGGER IT JUST REMINDS ME OF A LONG WINDED FUCK WHO I TRY VERY HARD TO NOT SHARE GENETIC TRAITS WITH AND I WASN’T REALLY TRIGGERED PERSE

CG: I JUST THINK BLOOD SHOULD BE JUST BLOOD

TK: I Agree. I’Ve given up a lot that is stereotypical of my own caste. I Don’t enjoy all the flash that comes with being a seadweller. I Would much rather live a quiet life of learning than spend my days being absorbed in riches.

CG: SHIT YOU’RE A SEADWELLER? DO YOU KNOW A DOUCHEFUCK BY THE NAME OF ERIDAN AMPORA?

TK: UH...*insert joke about not all seadwellers knowing each other here.* BUt yes. I’Ve heard of him.

CG: I WOULD SAY TRIGGERED BUT FUCK IT

CG: I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT BUT IF YOU HAD MET HIM YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND MY CURIOSITY BECAUSE YOUR OPINION OF HIM WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME SOME SOLACE AS I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN COMPARED TO HIS CREEPTASTIC WHINY QUADRANTLESS ASS

TK: WEll then today is your lucky day, because that is exactly what he is known for.

TK: “The empty captain” is his most recent pseudo.

CG: HM WE OF HIS INNER CIRCLE OF FUCKS WHO REALLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT JUST CALL HIM BULGEWAD

TK: THat’s a good one too. :)

CG: SO I GUESS WE CAN’T EVER MEET THEN ME BEING ALLERGIC TO DROWNING AND ALL

TK: NO one ever said that i couldn’t come on dry land.

TK: BEsides i really want you to win this alleged bet. THe one thing i can’t shake is the desire to win.

CG: I CAN’T EVEN...

CG: FUCK. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST DONE

CG: SOLLUX IS GOING TO SOIL HIMSELF IN INCOMPREHENSIBLE PROPORTIONS

TK: GRoss dude.

TK: BUt totally awesome at the same time.

TK: IF i knew anything about him i would be about ten times more psyched for this than i already am.

CG: PFH HE’S A LISPING ASSHOLE WHO HATES EATING, LOVES THE SOUND OF HIS OWN VOICE, COMPLAINS ABOUT LIFE, AND HAS AN ANNOYING HABIT OF MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT THE NUMBER 2

CG: FUCK EVEN I’M DOING IT NOW

TK: SWeet. LEts make him eat his own defecation.

TK: WAit... THat’s gross.

TK: LIke probably really not ok.

CG: I MOTION TO STRIKE THAT FROM THE RECORD

TK: I Second that motion.

CG: CAN YOU WAIT A SECOND?

CG: THIS HAS GOT TO HAPPEN NOW

TK: WHat? LIke meeting up? RIght now?

CG: WELL YEAH THAT WOULD BE GREAT BUT I’M NOT A COMPLETE MORON THAT WOULD OBVIOUSLY BE DIFFICULT CONSIDERING YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I LIVE.

CG: NO I MEANT HANG ON I’M GOING TO GET HIM

CG: HE HAS TO SEE THIS SO HE CAN’T SAY I MADE IT UP

TK: OKay. BUt if he is a bigger whole asshole than you he’ll say you made it up anyways.

CG: HM... YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT BUT IF YOU COULD TRY TO CONVINCE HIM I WOULD BE REALLY FUCKING GREATFUL. 

CG: I WOULD RELISH THE LOOK ON HIS FACE FOREVER

TK: SUre thing then. BRing the asshat in.

CG: THANK YOU

CG: BRB

CG: thii2 ii2 poiintle22 but ii promii2ed to humor KK 2o here ii am

TK:WEll nice to finally meet you. SOllux i presume.

TK: I Heard you’re a bigger ass than Karkat here.

CG: guiilty

CG: are you GC?

TK: NO. MY name is Kaylee.

CG: that’2 real cute kanaya ii’m 2ure you mean well but iit ii2n’t healthy for you two feed KK’2 ob22e22iion.

TK: WHo the hell is Kanaya?

TK: I’M Kaylee Huelly.

TK: I Happen to live about twenty clicks from your Ampora friend. NOt that he would know me. WE’ve never actually met.

CG: fuck FF? ii knew KK wa2 de2perate but ii never iimagiined he would drag you iin two thii2

TK: I Have no idea who you are talking about. FF?

TK: IS that a trollhandle?

CG: ah eheh no more of a niickname her name’2 feferii peiixe2 and 2he ii2 ba2iically ED’2 keeper

TK: IF i’m assuming ED correctly... I Didn’t know the empty captain had any quadrants.

CG: he ha2 one for gog know2 what rea2on FF hang2 out wiith that ba2tard.

CG: hm, there’2 no way you could be AA 2he would tell me plu2 ii’m kiind of p2ychiic and giiven her current 2tate of liife riight now there’2 ju2t no way KK could have pulled that on off wiithout help.

CG: ii don’t thiink he would a2k AG or AC

TK: STill don’t know who any of these people are...

TK: I Don’t know what’s a nickname or handle.

TK: ALl these letters are confusing me. TO be honest.

TK: ANything i can do to help further convince you i’m not any of these aforementioned trolls?

CG: well fuck you got me ii have no fucking iidea eheheh

CG: ii gue22 you’ll ju2t have two come meet u2

TK: TIme and place and i’ll do what i can to get there.

CG: 45w:26N a2ap

CG: and of cour2e you can’t ju2t 2how up you have 2 be able two prove iit

TK: PRove what?

TK: YOu want me to print off a copy of this chat?

CG: not unle22 you want two

CG: ii meant that you fiilled one of KK’2 quadrant2 he probably told you about the bet. ii can’t iimagiine he fiilled a quadrant 2o quiickly wiithout doiing that but iit doe2n’t count iif you’re ju2t all talk

TK: UH... YA... SUre i guess.

TK: I’M not sure what all is implied with that?

TK: WHat constitutes as “proof” for you?

GC: you have two do 2omethiing that fiit2 your 2hared quadrant. diid he leave that part out?

TK: WEll that wasn’t specifically mentioned no.

TK: BUt i doubt it’ll be much of an issue. ACtually, fuck ya.

TK: I’Ll do it. BE there or be square right?

CG: actually, KK briing2 up an excellent poiint.

CG: ii forgot the actual bet. the bet wa2 that you prove iit on all account2 and that mean2 you have two al2o be able two prove you are who you say you are for thii2 two count

CG: ju2t two make 2ure your aren’t already iin the quadrant wiith 2omeone el2e 2o briing a friiend ii gue22

TK: WIll my moirail be enough? OR should i scrounge up some other sad sacks i know?

CG: that’2 fiine. iit actually help2 you prove you’re not lyiing

TK: GReat i’ll just go get her.

TK: THis is going to be possibly the best thing that’s ever happened!!!

TK: YOu’re going to have to scrape your mandible off the ground cause it’s gonna melt off with all the heat that’s coming off of all these damn irons in the fire.

CG: that’2 good ii gue22 iit look2 liike ii miight be loo2iing thii2 after all

CG: ii gue22 there’2 ju2t one la2t thiing two a2k

TK: YOu bet your sweet bippy!

CG: what quadrant?

TK: FLushed as a motherfucker!!!

CG: ii want two a2k iif there ii2 any way that you could be GZ but ii kiind of hope that you are cau2e that would be hiilariiou2 2o ii’m not even goiing two

TK: OK...

TK: AGain i have no clue who you are referring to.

TK: ALright i’m messaging my moirail right this very instant. WE will see your sorry asses there!

 

-tortoiseshellKelpie [TK] ceased courting carcinoGeneticist [CG]-

 

-tortoiseshellKelpie [TK] began trolling spectralLabradorite [SL]-

 

TK: HEy Arniss!

TK: YOu in?

SL: OoOoOoOoOoOoOo!!!!!

TK: LOok i have something i seriously need your help with.

SL: yOo used my quirk! 0:)

SL: Oof cOourse i’ll help! what is it?

TK: WEll i let myself get carried away in a bet again.

TK: I Need you to come with me and meet these guys, one of which i’m supposed to have become flushed for.

SL: 0=|

SL: um this really sOounds quipnarishly pervy but Ook

SL: yOou really need tOo stOop being such a rupniff daredevil

TK: IT’s not really though... UNless he really means business when he says “prove”.

TK: ANd you know i can’t help but accept a good challenge. YOu say i can’t and i’ll prove to you i can.

SL: well i commend yOou fOor it nevertheless

SL: when shall we dOo this?

TK: AS soon as fucking possible.

TK: I’Ll send the coordinates to your grubconsole.

SL: Ook but kay...

SL: are yOou really sure yOou can fake a flushed quadrant?

TK: WEll all great lies are based on a fraction of truth. ANd i could definitely pity this guy.

SL: nOo way!!! wOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!!!!

SL:sOomeOone has a flushcrush! 0;D

TK: WEll maybe...

TK: I Shouldn’t even try to downplay this. YOu would just drag it out of me anyways. ANd this would be just a whole lot less painful.

TK: SO yes.

SL: i disagree. a lOot less painful wOould be nOot dOoing this at all but i can tell YOou’re nOot gOoing tOo back Oout nOow.

SL: i’ll meet yOou there 0:)

TK: SWeet!!!

TK: SEe you <>!!!!

 

-tortoiseshellKelpie [TK] ceased trolling spectralLabradorite [SL]-

 

“Hey fuckath, your date ith at the door.”

 

Your bloodpusher jumps into your protein shoot. Fuck fuck fuck. You can do this. No way you are letting that douchebag get the best of you. Here goes nothing.

 

You open the door.

 

Before you stands a jittery girl and what you think might be a hippie. Whatever the fuck a hippie is.

 

“Karkat!?” The troll who can’t seem to stand fucking still blurts.

 

You nod.

 

She throws her arms over your shoulders and squeals. “It’s great to finally see you!” her jitteriness doesn’t stop and as she hugs you she continues to shake.The hippie squints at you  skeptically.

 

“Are yoou sure he’s karkat? Oooooo he coould be soollux!”

 

“I guess you’re right. You _are_ Karkat aren’t you?”

 

“Only if you’re Kaylee. If you’re not then I’m fucking done for because there’s no shitfestering way speach impediment girl would ever be convincing enough to fill any of my fucking quadrants.”

 

The sea troll lets go and punches you in the arm, “Don’t insult my moirail, you whole big asshole.” She is still smiling though and her ghostly companion is giving you dagger eyes. It’s a little unnerving.

 

“Hey nook lord, aren’t you going to let the ladieth in?” Sollux says as he walks up behind you.

 

“Fuck you captor.”

 

“No way KK. You aren’t getting out of thith even if you fuck me too. I already have that quadrant filled but thankth.”

 

“Aw, come on Sollux. It could be a threesome.” Kaylee winks.

 

“I only do twoth.”

 

“Your loss.” Kaylee shrugs and steps back from you towards the hippie who must be Arniss if you aren’t mistaken.

 

“Nagh I like to thee it ath KK’th gain. He wantth you all to himthelf.”  You do your best not  to give him the satisfaction of glaring at him.

 

“Are yoou gooing tooo let us in?” You really think the hippie makes you miss the fucked up voice that is Eridan Ampora.

 

Kaylee gives you a nod and you flail your arms. “FINE! WON’T YOU PLEASE COME INTO MY HUMBLE FUCKING ABODE!!!” The two girls walk past you and you can hear the repressed laughter as Sollux shuts the door. The girls sit on the couch you had conveniently moved there about thirty minutes ago just for their visit.

 

“Tho, you mutht be Kaylee? and... uh... your moirail?”

 

“This is Arniss. It would be hard to find two paler compadres than us.”

 

“I woould say kindred spirits.”

 

“Ghost puns and all.”

 

“Kay! That wasn’t a ghoost pun!”

 

“It wasn’t? Sorry, my bad.”

 

“That’s ookay. Soo let’s get oon tooo the part where yoou kiss yoour flushmate! That will help me feel better.” The hippie waggles her eyebrows at you as she elbows Kaylee, who is desperately trying to suppress a violet blush. All of her excess energy seemingly condensed into her clenched fists.

 

“That is why we're here. You know, getting shit done... winning bets.” the last part was muttered so quietly you aren't sure you heard it.

 

“I couldn’t agree more. Tho KK...?”

 

You gulp as internally as possible.

 

“So _what_?” 

 

“You have to at leatht kith your matethprit for thith to count.”

 

“Like I don’t fucking know that bulgelicker!”

 

“Tho do it.”

 

You tentatively look at Kaylee trying to convey mental apologies and gratitude simultaneously. As you look into her determined eyes you wince. You can tell she ‘s doing this to win the bet. She doesn’t want to kiss you. You should have known that. What a dumbass, of course she doesn’t. She just met you. Clearly you’re more pathetic than you realized because  you can feel your face betray you. Her blush is so... your bloodpusher is beating your windbags to shreds. Fuck you can’t breath! Some distant part of you hopes she kisses you back and despite your best efforts to push it away, the thought consumes your attention. You don’t hear the what the hippie says when she bounces up excitedly and points at you.

 

“What?” Brilliant statement dipshit.

 

“Yoour cheeks! Oooooooooo yoour cheeks!” You wonder how you didn’t hear her the first time because she’s practically screaming. You’re glad Kaylee has briefly turned her attention off of you.

 

“What are you on about Arniss?” Kaylee sort of glares at her now ecstatic moirail.

 

“Oooo kayleeee! Looook at the cooolooor oooof his cheeks! He’s bright red!!!”

 

She turns her attention back to you. Confusion written blatantly across her face.

 

“Fuck.”

 

With that elegant phrase you slowly try to make a graceful exit from your hive. But the smooth casanova you are trips over the stupid cloth floor covering and you land with a thud right on your shameglobes. You can feel your face get hotter and from the sounds ghost girl is making your face is now probably a more brilliant color of red and suddenly the ghost girl is practically dragging you up and speaking so fast you’re not even sure it’s trollian. Just as she takes a breath you jump at your window of opportunity.

 

“For the love of gog shut up!” Ghost girl goes quiet and suddenly all eyes are on you. That wasn’t the desired effect but at least the jabbering has stopped. and Kaylee is looking at you again....

 

“Wow, that’s the brightest red I’ve ever seen.”

 

Her eyes are huge and her mouth is slightly agape.

 

“Shit. Don’t look at me.” You try once again to flee, but the hippie still has a hold of your arm. You try to yank it loose, to no avail.

 

“Let go fuckface.”

 

She doesn’t and you turn away.

 

Fuck face just continues to bore giant gawking holes at the back of your head and you briefly gives thanks nothing has been said about your horns at least. Then the biggest asshole whose presence you forgot in all the commotion opened his mouth.

 

“It could be worthe KK. At leatht Kaylee hathn’t noticed your nubby hornth yet.”

 

That lisping prick. If you could choke him without getting fried you’d throttle him. You want to turn and look at Kaylee, beseech her with your eyes for understanding but you hate yourself too much to move. You can feel the sting of tears. Fucking wonderful Karkat. Give her another reason to mentally vomit. Give her another reason to cringe and turn away.

 

“Shut up Sollux. I like his horns... they’re adorable.”

 

Wait what.

Mustering the courage you look up. Kaylee is dismembering Sollux with a glare that is beyond anything you’re capable of and to say in that moment you were fucking impressed would be an understatement. The best part is that Sollux was obviously bothered by this and kept egging her on, giving you more freedom to stare.

 

“Pfh. Pleath they’re little nubth. I’m thurprithed he doethn’t trip more often. I have no idea how he theeth anything.”

 

“They’re fucking horns, not his sight stalks. You don’t see with horns moron.”

 

“You mean you can’t thee with yourth? I thought theadwellerth hornth worked the thame. If you don’t uthe them to orient yourthelf then what the fuck are they for?”

 

“Same as your shitty excuse horns. They sense pressure and vibration... Why am I explaining this to you? You’re clearly just trying to make me angry.”

 

“And clearly I’m pretty good at it.” 

 

You hear a stifled growl and you decide that you can’t take anymore of this.

 

“Leave my matesprit alone asshole.” You’ve done it now. You count the moments till you vomit. You’re so nervous surely a regurgitation of lunch is not far off.

 

There is a thud followed by a “Fuck! ow!” from Sollux.

 

Kaylee had managed to take off her shoe and nail the asshole in the face, another impressive feat. You smell the crackle of psionics and you whirl around in a defensive parry before you even had time to process what you were doing. All you could think about was Kaylee.

 

“ _DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!_ ” Kaylee gasps as you come between her and Sollux pulling her moirail with you. Sollux puts up his lithe fingers in submission.

 

“Fucking chill KK I didn’t do thhit. I can’t help it if your girlfriend thlapped me acroth the face with her thhoe. Which thmellth by the way.”

 

Kaylee leans around you. “Are you sure it’s not your face that smells? There is nothing wrong with my shoe.”

 

“Theriouthly? You mutht be joking. Maybe it’th all the thalt in your cardilaginouth nub but my entire body thmellth fine whereath your thoe thmellth like a borebeathtt’th ath.”

 

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response...” With that She sits back down on the couch, arms tucked across her chest and an angry pout on her lip. Your pump biscuit or whatever the fuck it’s called breaks... no crumbles into bite sized pieces of delicious morbidity.  You waver only for a moment before you move towards her. All you want to do is make her stop pouting but you don’t make it. Oh right. You forgot that fuck face the cinder block was still linked to your arm. You glare at her but that clearly is the wrong move because she squeals and you briefly consider gnawing off your forsaken limb.

 

“When yoou die will yoou coome visit me? I can’t believe I know a mutant!”

 

“Arniss, don’t scare him. Honestly Medeis might put up with your dead mutant talk but there is no need to scare away _MY_ matesprit...”

 

“But loooooook! Oooh soometimes I wish yoou coould see soouls tooooooo! He’s soooo goooorgeooooous! OOOOooooOOoOooo!!!! I might die toooooo!”

 

“Don’t hit on my matesprit Ak. Have you no tact?”

 

“But KAYYYYLEEEEEE!!! If he was dead yoou woould understand!” 

 

“Would you two stop talking about me dying and explain what the fuck you're talking about?” You are so fucking lost, it’s not even funny.

 

“I told you Arniss has an obsession with death. She sees dead things too.”

 

“Nooo nooo nooo I hear dead peoople and see living soouls! Hoow many times must I explain this!”

 

“My bad for not elaborating. I think I have a valid excuse to pissed.” She sends another death stare towards Sollux.

 

“Theriouthly? You knew what I was doing. You _let_ me get to you. bethideth, I only did it becauthe I could tell KK wanted to keep tharing at you.”

 

Kaylee’s expression switched from angry to surprised. That lovely violet blush returning to her face. And then back came the creepy.

 

“Kaylee?” Ghost girl’s face has gone completely blank. It reminded you of Aradia’s freaky ghost face.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I really doo think yoour”she makes air quotes “ _matesprit_ is gooing too die soooon.”

 

Kaylee’s head whips around and her eye’s are pleading.

 

“Please don’t say that... Arniss why?”

 

Ghost girl turns her eyes on you and they’re glazed over with something you cannot read. Your stomach quivers.

 

“His light just goot dimmer.”

 

“Stop fucking looking at me like that! I’m perfectly healthy, thanks for your concern. I seriously doubt that anything is going to happen that would result in my death anytime soon.” You turn around in a whirl and miscalculated the velocity at which you took off because the next thing you knew you had a face full of floor. Your entire face crumpled in frustration and momentary ache. You closed your eyes just as bare feet came into view followed by grey ones. You vaguely thought it would be fitting if you died now. You were so embarrassed you didn’t even care anymore. Everything was so dark. 

 

“Yoou’re mooirail is gooing toooo cause yoour death. My friends think it’s sooooon. They doooo noot lie Karkat Vantas.”

 

“Karkat doesn’t have a moirail Ak. How can something he doesn’t have kill him?”

 

“If yooou wish tooo see yoou must oopen yoour eyes and loook.”

 

“FUCK YOU” both you and Kaylee shout at the same time. You’re shaking. What the fuck is going on. You shift your gaze across the room, surely she isn’t referring to that fucking clown.

 

“Thith ith a bunch a crap. I’m pretty good at the prophetic doom thit and I don’t thee KK dying anythime thoon.”

 

“Thanks.”You really hope for once in your life that Sollux is right about something. You’re sweating now. This already awkward day has gone from weird to deranged. Maybe you’re dreaming? You could be right? It makes sense. You fell a couple of times before ghost girl went psycho. Yeah this was definitely an estranged vision. You close your eyes and make a horrible peace with yourself. If you’re dreaming, you may as well give in to what every fiber of your body is screaming at you. You lunge for Kaylee-

 

and kiss her.

 

Maybe it’s the last kiss you’ll ever get. Gog you hope not. As you think it the world melts. Her lips are so soft and fragile. They’re quivering. She’s scared. All you want is to take her fear away, draw it into you through your lips. Somehow your arms are free and you embrace her. She goes completely still and you can feel her pulse in unison with your own. You pull away to look at her.

 

“I’m confused as fuck.”

 

You grab her chin in your trembling hand. You start crying. Fucking damnit. You try not to, to be strong for her, but you can’t help it. So unfair. Everything’s so unfair! This _is_ your matesprit! You can feel it. You _know_ she feels it... she knows.

 

“Kaylee, I’m flushed for you.” You rush forward just as her lips part to speak. You can’t bare to hear her voice. You want everything to stop and melt away again. Melt away... and she melts with you. You moan and all of the pain and confusion leak into that one syllable and you wish with everything you are that things would be normal again. You are at the point of exhaustion.

 

Finally the kiss breaks. Staring meaningfully into her eyes, you search for reciprocation. She smiles closing the space between your lips once more. Softly whispering against your smile, “I’ve definitely developed a mating fondness for you too.” 

 

“Kaylee...” You smiled. “ I don’t even know your full name.”

 

“Huelly, Kaylee Huelly.”

 

“Your name is perfect.” You hold her tighter. You might even be happy. 

 

“Uh KK- shit. Wake up!”

 

You feel something against your back.

 

“Well ain’t this all just the most motherfucking cutest thing. All the pity up in this beautiful tear jerkin’ moment..”  Something on your back twists _sharp_. You lean into Kaylee, your first instinct to move. Then a new sense of urgency grips you and with all the rage Gamzee left when he tore a hole in your chest you pushed her away from you. You hadn’t considered for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Fuck. Your back exploded with pain and you jar to the side.

 

You manage to hold back the guttural growl in your throat and turn to see the fucking clown, who just shanked you.

 

“What the actual fuck, Gamzee? What are you doing here?”

 

“Well shit bro you be all up and stealin’ my fucking flush right from under my feet!”

 

“ _Your_ flush? Do you even know who this is?”

 

“Hell yeah! It’s my TK motherfucker! She and I go way back on date my grub. Shit she be all up and over my chat all the time. She’s all ‘Hey TC I missed you man!’ honk.”

 

“TC? Dude we chatted all of five times. You stalked me for half a sweep! There was no relationship.”

 

“Aw TK why are you sayin’ this stuff? Down right breaks a guys heart.”

 

“YOU-ARE-MENTALLY-UNSTABLE!!! Just wake up!”

 

“That really hurts me mirth doll. I know you and I are all infatuated.”

 

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. An entire sweep? What the fuck has been going on with him lately! You look to Sollux for help. He’s locked in one of his doom stares. Fucking perfect. You eye Gamzee’s shank. It’s actually just a harlequin fork. Covered in bright red.

 

Gamzee eyes you back, he looks like he might lunge again... raising his fork menacingly. That’s when a gray sneaker flies through the air and smacks the moronic clown in the face, effectively distracting him from the attack. Damn she has impeccable aim too bad she only had two shoes. Gamzee lowers the fork and stares past you to look at Kaylee. He looks hurt... and then angry.

 

“Mother bitch of an ungrateful fucker.” 

 

Kaylee stops all the blood in your vascular shoots as she lunges forward teeth bared. You panic. You don’t have time to think. You move between them, horns forward, and tackle Gamzee with your full weight. You both fall back with a bang, knocking something over. You only have a moment of regaining your senses before  a giant weight collides with you.  Your back is instantly on fire again and the world goes dark for a moment. Your head swoons. You can taste blood in your mouth. Maybe you are going to die. Fantastic.

 

“Karkat?” a small voice from behind you.... Kaylee.

 

“I-” you wince. damnit your chest hurts. You look at Gamzee. He’s staring straight at the ceiling not moving. You close your eyes and drop on him completely, all of your strength draining from you. You feel hands shaking you, pulling you off of the fucking clown, your fucking moirail.

 

“KK? KK hey come on. Thith ith thtupid. Wake up!”

 

“Karkat? I told him the truth so you don’t have to do this anymore. I’m sorry if Arniss scared you.” You opened your eyes. Three faces were hovering over you. What the...

 

“I said soooon as in like sooooner noot soooon as in noow! I didn’t think he’d pass oout. I thoought he woould be excited!”

 

“Ak, who on Alternia is excited by death but you? let me answer that... No one.” 

 

You sit up with a little help from Sollux. You try to swat him away but he’s already gone the

minute you’re up. 

 

“That’s not true! There are a lot more people than just me! All of my other friends love being dead!”

 

Kaylee turns to look at Arniss straight on. She hasn’t noticed you standing. Both girls are still kneeling at your feet.

 

“Arniss, they feel that way because they are already dead! Virtually no one _alive_ is excited by their own death, much less so when you say they’re going to die early!”

 

You frown. It was all a dream. You’re stupid brain playing tricks on you. You touch your lips. You can still feel her warmth on them... her trembling.

 

“Kaylee...” Your voice is raw and scratchy.

 

“Well it’s noot like it’s news tooo him! Did yoou see his blooood? I’m ookay with a shoort life. We can’t all be purple bloooods yoou knoow.”

 

You try again but your voice is even quieter.

 

“You think I don’t know that! Arniss that’s one of the reasons I hate being higher caste than you. Long life is nothing without good friends.” 

 

You bend over and tap her head. She looks up at you. You lean in slowly, careful not to fall again. Judging her reaction, her face. She doesn’t move away. She goes completely still. You smile in spite of yourself. Everything inside you is telling you how stupid you look. You imagine what horrible things Sollux will tell everyone else that you did. He’ll tell them how stupid you are and how awkward you just made things but you don’t care. He can’t tell them how flushed you are. How all the anger just flows out of you when you look at her. Her lips purse, a beckoning call to your own. Your smile goes from happy to beaming. She wants you back. Maybe it was a dream, but dreams have to come from something.

 

“Kaylee?”

 

She makes a squeak and her breath hitches. You can’t help but feel like you’re cheating. You’ve been through this before. You know how it ends. As you draw near, she leans into you, completing the gap. You moan again. No wait. That wasn’t you. You would smile more if it were possible. You decide you like it better when she moans. You relish her lips soft and warm radiating passion. She may not know it like you do, but every pulse of her kiss cries that she missed you like she had been starving for ages. You pitied her because you know what it feels like to starve that way. You could only hope that she pitied you too. But you already knew the answer.

 

“Short life is nothing without my matesprit.” You reach up and cup her cheek with your hand. Her cheek is wet. You can’t tell if she’s crying with sadness or joy but it doesn’t matter. Fuck it.

You kiss her again, harder this time. She puts her hand over yours and your fingers entwine. She drops your hands as you pull away and lift her up with you as you stand. You take her other hand and frown briefly. You have no fucking clue what you’re doing but you saw it in a movie once and from what you know of romcoms this shit works everytime.

 

“Kaylee, I’m flushed for you and... and apparently I don’t have long. I mean, I already fucking knew that but I guess I have even less than I thought. So, I want to spend that time being more than just this. I want to spend it happy with you.” You squeeze her hands as you deliver the deal maker.

 

“Will you be my matesprit?” 

 

She stammers and looks at you with pleading eyes. You can see her sadness and confusion. She does pity you. You understand. After all, you are a mutant with a death sentence. You would pity yourself if such a thing wasn’t weird as fuck. 

 

“I’d do it if I were you. If you thay no it might kill him.”

 

You give her an apology shrug as you cut off your moment to snicker at Sollux. 

 

“Shut up you lisping douchfuck and whatch how real trolls do it. And you better fucking pay attention because gog help you you poor bastard. You have to learn from somewhere or your genetic contribution is undeniably fucked.”

 

You think he scoffs at you but your attention is back on more important things. More beautiful things.

 

“Kaylee, I’m your matesprit if you’ll have me.” You pause wondering how to finish. You give in and settle on the truth. “And I really fucking hope you say yes.”

 

She drops her eyes down to the floor and mumbles something. Her moirail gasps and you can feel Sollux’s smirk in your peripheral vision. This didn’t look good but for some reason you were completely calm. Completely focused on her. She looked up and repeated with gushing eyes.

 

“Yes...Hell fucking yes!”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! ^^


End file.
